“Josh, are you okay?”
He barely looked up from his screen. “Just tired. It’s been a long day.”
“Are you… I mean, are you happy?”
He closed his laptop a little too hard. “Hanna, you know I am. We wanted this, right?”
I nodded, but something twisted in my chest.
“I mean, are you happy?”
***
Then, one afternoon, the boys finally napped at the same time. I tiptoed down the hall, desperate for a moment to breathe. I passed Joshua’s office and heard him, his voice low, almost pleading.
“I can’t keep lying to her. She thinks I wanted a family with her…”
My hand flew to my mouth. He was talking about me.
I pressed closer, my heart thudding.
“But I didn’t adopt the boys because of this,” Joshua said, on the verge of tears.
There was a pause, then a rough sob.
“I can’t keep lying to her.”
I froze, caught between running and needing to know more. I heard him again, softer.
“I can’t do this, Dr. Samson. I can’t watch her figure it out after I’m gone. She deserves more than that. But if I tell her… she’ll fall apart. She gave up her whole life for this. I just, I just wanted to know she wouldn’t be alone.”
My legs went numb. My hands shook so hard I had to grab the doorframe.
Joshua was crying now. “How long did you say, Doc?”
There was a pause.
“A year? That’s all I have left?”
The silence on the other side of the door stretched, and Joshua started to cry again.
